Eternal Sadness: The First Steps to Overcoming Depression in Teens
“I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.”― Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind of a Funny Story
Was I born to be depressed?
That is the question plaguing those who feel sadness or apathy so deep it’s like the storm cloud that wont pass. When you are young, there is an expectation of mood shifts. The questions of “Who am I?” “What will I become?” drive adults mad, but to teens, with every option available and the world at their fingertips, it is almost insurmountable pressure. So that pressure turns inward. They’re sad or angry. They overreact. They exhibit poor self-esteem or guilt, and worst of all, they won’t talk. To see their child in pain is the worst fear of a parent. But for so many, that pain is all too real. So what now? What can be done when you or your child find themselves in a pit of despair or feels nothing at all?
It begins with empathy and validation.
Everyone has experienced sadness. Tap into that. Isolation is one of the strongest signs of depression and with that comes the idea that no one understands. So, make them understand that not only are their feelings valid, but there are so many people who have been where they are, and have gotten through it. This is not to say they will just get over it, but that with real work it will slowly get better over time. If you can, try to find the underlying cause. Are they being bullied? Is there a lack of support? Are they struggling with their sexual identity? Is there another health condition, like eating disorder, learning disorder or ADHD? Are you contributing to the depression in any way? Be aware, however, that there may not be a cause at all, but a chemical imbalance. The hardest part is the first step of communication. Always let them know you will be there if they fall.
The next, perhaps daunting task, is to adjust habits.
Along with depression, comes a general lack of motivation. Be sure to not mistake this for laziness. When depression hits, self-care usually goes. Showering, brushing teeth, and getting dressed should come first. It is the easiest way to give a self-esteem boost. Sleeping the appropriate amount is also essential. Whether staying in bed all day or not sleeping at all, the task is to make a schedule and stick to it. Mel Robins teaches the ten second rule. When a thought comes into your mind, you have ten seconds to act or you will talk yourself out of it. So, the alarm goes off, stand up. As much as it hurts, and it will, stand up. Immediately transition into a pleasurable activity, like drinking coffee or tea or preferably something physical. This does not have to be a workout but can be a walk around the block listening to music or a podcast. The sunshine will do wonders. The benefits of yoga or deep stretching also cannot be overstated. Depression can have real physical symptoms, such as muscle aches and soreness. Yoga by Adrienne on YouTube or a private session is a great starting point as they will be not feel watched or judged. Diet is also a key element. It does not have to be perfect but introducing more whole foods will nourish the body and the mind. A good jumping off point is fruit. While it does contain sugar, it can ease the transition from processed food. Remember the old adage, Rome was not built in a day. These changes should be made slowly as to not overwhelm. You are not looking for a quick fix but, like building a muscle, small gains over time.
The most important part, and this cannot be understated, is knowing when to get help.
As much as parents wish they could fix their child’s problems, there is a time when a professional is needed. Especially if there are signs of suicidal thought or self-harming. It must be clear that seeking help is not a weakness but a sign of the will to get better. There are many different forms of therapy, such as interpersonal therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy. Researching these together can be an important first step in getting the teen involved in their own treatment. There is also a time when medication is the best course of action. This is a serious decision and must be done together and with the help of a certified child and adolescent psychiatrist, not a general physician. It is most affective with a combination of medication and therapy.
The signs of depression should not be taken lightly.
The repercussions of ignoring the symptoms can have lasting effects. Youth is a time for exploration and discovery. Give the gift of love and support and there will always be hope. It will, at times, be slow and there will be steps backward, but with dedication, no matter the obstacle, it will get better.
“Before we can see properly, we must first shed our tears to clear the way.”