The March that Never Ends: Dealing with Teen Mood Changes in the Time of COVID

Our lives have changed.

We miss my friends. We miss my family. We miss concerts and movies and dinners. Most of all, we miss hugs. But we are older and have systems in place for when we sad and lonely. Your teen may not be so fortunate. A Rox Institute study has found that 80% of adolescent girls feel lonelier and more isolated than before. “Staring at a computer for 6 hours a day has effected all of us greatly. Not seeing anyone and having no human interaction for awhile really takes a toll on our mental health. I was very upset when we had no homecoming and school events the past couple months. I miss seeing my favorite people at 6 a.m and can’t wait for things to go back to normal,” says 16 year old Mattie Andre.  While parents, teachers, counselors, and mentors are doing more than they ever have, study after study shows many teens are feeling the effects of COVID in drastic ways. 

Let’s talk about the brain.

Until about the age of 25, the brain continues to develop and with it its executive control network, or ECN. The ECN is essential in dealing with stress and adapting to new challenges. The development of the ECN helps regulate cognitive processes such as emotions and navigating new situations, as well as protect the brain from developing psychological problems. “Our findings suggest that executive functioning in our brain plays a key role in protecting against risk factors that worsen symptoms of depression and anxiety during stressful, uncertain times,” said Rajpreet Chahal, a postdoctoral fellow in the Stanford Department of Psychology “These results are very relevant for teenagers, as well as people of all ages, in this era of COVID-19.” So how do we strengthen the brain? We must address the stresses they are experiencing and, to the best of our ability, mitigate the damage.

So, what do we look out for?

Physical complaints can be an early warning sign for depression. Notice muscle aches, headaches, or ongoing vague physical symptoms. Pay attention to changes in social interactions. They may begin to withdraw from family or peers. They may begin to sleep too much or not sleep at all. How are they doing academically? A drop in motivation or performance may be a sign of depression. How are they talking about themselves? Notice if there is an uptick in negative statements about themselves, such as “I’m stupid!” or “I can’t do anything right!”.  While some experimentation is normal for adolescents, beware of signs of risky behaviors, such as sneaking out and self-medicating with substances. “Most teens are likely to display one or two of these behaviors at some point in adolescence,” says Aleta G. Angelosante, PhD, clinical assistant professor in the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at NYU Langone Health. “But parents should be more concerned if the changes have happened more rapidly, happen more consistently, or are occurring at once.”

Communication is key.

If you suspect mood changes in your teens, it is important to discuss with them what they may be feeling. However, timing is everything. Immediately after an argument or when they are engaging in a fun activity is not the best moment. Find a peaceful moment and calmly tell them what behaviors you are noticing and ask them if they have noticed them as well. Avoid accusatory language. You cannot know what is going on in their minds, so let them open up at their own pace. Be ready for push-back. As many parents already know, teens are often reluctant to discuss difficult topics with their parents. Patience and knowing when to come back later are essential tools to gaining their trust. When they do open up, validate their feelings. Let them know that you understand that times have been hard lately, and you care. Share how you have been feeling. The loss of security, safety, and social support is universal. They’ve missed out on parties, dances and making new friends.  It is important to let your child grieve for the losses they have experienced this year. “Sadness is a normal part of human existence, and right now, youth have a lot that may be making them feel sad. They may feel isolated from their friends, missing their normal routines, and worrying about whether things will ever go back to normal,” says Dr. Angelosante. Communication is hard, but you may be surprised how thankful your teen will be to see someone taking notice and acknowledging their struggle.

Make a plan to address mood changes.

Cook healthy foods together. Make a sleep schedule and stick to it. Go for walks and let them interact with their peers in safe socially distanced environments. Now is not the time to restrict phone or computer time. Most importantly, know when it’s time to get outside help. They may be missing out on a lot right now, but they must be reminded they have family and friends that support them. Tell your teen every day that together you will get through this, and with all the love in your heart, they are not alone. 

“It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.” – Doe Zantamata